... is gay
Tobias insists he is a real "man's man" who is sexually attracted to women — but he unintentionally insinuates otherwise.
- Occurrence of a joke
- Joke in the background
- Combined joke
46 episodes feature this joke:
Lindsay: "... you're gay?" Tobias: "No, Lindsay, how many times..."
2: Top Banana
"Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here."
3: Bringing Up Buster
"... two young men playing grab-ass in the shower."
5: Visiting Ours
Tobias almost kisses his therapist, Dr. Gunty.
9: Storming the Castle
"I'm looking for something that says, 'Dad likes leather.'"
Related Joke: ... has a lot of charities
11: Public Relations
Jessie: "There are very few intelligent, attractive, and straight men in this town." Tobias: "Well, that certainly leaves me out."
12: Marta Complex
Tobias has a "big-boy crush on Action Jackson."
13: Beef Consommé
"When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually ..."
15: Staff Infection
"I ought to check myself into a men’s penal colony."
16: Missing Kitty
Tobias is called "Dorothy," a slang term for homosexual.
"I thought the two of us could talk man-on-man."
18: Justice Is Blind
"... I always ended up on all fours."
19: Best Man for the Gob
"... a bit like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul."
20: Whistler's Mother
"Give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second."
21: Not Without My Daughter
Michael: (referring to a "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" tape) "Is this what you want?" Tobias: "Oh, God, no."
Related Joke: Girls With Low Self Esteem
22: Let 'Em Eat Cake
"The Man Inside Me"
1: The One Where Michael Leaves
"It's nice to be back in a queen."
4: Good Grief
Tobias remarks that Ice is "his type."
5: Sad Sack
Lindsay: "I wonder how many women he has slept with, if any."
6: Afternoon Delight
Tobias "got blown" by Lucille's rape horn.
Related Joke: ... has a rape horn
8: Queen for a Day
"Even if I have to take a chubby, I'm willing to suck it up!"
9: Burning Love
"I need to prove to her that I'm not just a man, but a man's man."
10: Ready, Aim, Marry Me
"I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks, so to speak."
"You can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime."
11: Out on a Limb
"You old poop." — Tobias says he and Lindsay will be like "Tracy and Hepburn" and proceeds to imitate Katherine Hepburn.
14: The Immaculate Election
15: Sword of Destiny
"It could be your colon. I'd want to get in there and find some answers."
17: Spring Breakout
Tobias just wants to see boys' Linuses: "Let's see some bananas and nuts!"
18: Righteous Brothers
"I see you wasted no time in filling my seat-hole."
1: The Cabin Show
Tobias works at Swallows.
2: For British Eyes Only
"Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth!"
"It's pronounced a-NAL-rapist."
"Let me out that queen."
5: Mr. F
Frank: "I think we could be more than just gym buddies." Tobias: "You're blowing my mind, Frank."
6: The Ocean Walker
"They say 'poofter' to mean 'tourist'."
Related Joke: British curse words
7: Prison Break-In
"The guy runs a prison. He can have any piece of ass he wants."
8: Making a Stand
"You, sir, are a mouthful!"
"There's a new daddy in town ... a discipline daddy."
10: Fakin' It
Michael: "Well, they've got one guy who won't be talking. That is unless there's a hand inside of him." Tobias: "Oh, please, Michael. Even then, I wouldn't say anything."
11: Family Ties
Michael refers to Girl Michael — Tobias's male date — as "Her?"
Related Joke: "Her?"
12: Exit Strategy
Tobias tells his wife she looks very handsome after drinking half a bottle of Cloudmir.
Related Joke: Cloudmir vodka
13: Development Arrested
Tobias: "Although, perhaps I should call the 'hot cops' and tell them to come up with something more nautically themed ... 'HOT sailors' ... or 'hot sea-me--'." Michael: "I like 'hot sailors'." Tobias: "Me, too ..."
Related Joke: Hot Cops
3: Indian Takers
He was thinking about the hot seamen and couldn't recall Michael's name.
Lindsay sees the blouse Tobias wore better when she gets his luggage in the airport.
Related Joke: bleeps
5: A New Start
To a sailor-dressed hot cop: "You are just soaked to the bone."
Linsday: "This marriage that everyone thinks is a sham because you're gay."
Tobias: "You look how I feel." G.O.B.: "What, gay?"
Tobias registers the license plate "ANUSTART"
"I look like one of those hot guys from Spartacus."
Tobias ties his Indian garb into a halter top.
Tobias is wearing a Shemàle shirt.
"I've got a bit of a stick up my bunghole ..."
"For 2,000 rupees, we'd both go down on Matthew McConaghey, right Michael?"
Tobias recognizes DaBrie from the Straight Bait movies.
DaBrie is referred to as a "51-year-old man" when in the hospital emergency room.
"I assure you, there's nothing ambiguous about me. I'm Johnny Storm, the human flamer."
Tobias to Mark Cherry: "How old are you?" Mark Cherry: "23." Tobias: "Well within my rights."
Tobias to Michael: "We'll have to go away and lick each other's wounds."
Tobias: "Maybe I'll do my famous 'gay' character. I don't think you've seen that character." Michael: "Yeah, I have."
10: Queen B.
Lucille: "You don't look like a hetrosexual in that suit; you look as swishy as Ryan Seacrest."
11: A New Attitude
Tobias, to G.O.B.: "I have a list of men that could fill every opening you have."
Tobias's workout routine on the rowing machine places him in a certain position.